You may feel different about yourself and uncertain about your future or where a new relationship will fit into your life. You can meet new people in different ways. Join a club, volunteer or take a class. That way you can become more relaxed in new social situations, with less pressure.
If you have worries or difficulties with dating after cancer, talking with a counsellor may help. You can also find cancer survivor support groups where you can talk with others about dating and new relationships. Not every date has to be a success.
A commitment to not settling
After all, not all dates worked out before you had cancer. Take each situation as it comes and do what feels right for you. Remember, when making this decision, that many people find honesty to be a very important part of a relationship, especially a relationship that becomes long term.
You may choose to tell someone right away to get it out in the open and to see how the person reacts. With other people you might wait a while so that you know and trust them a bit better before sharing your experience with them.
Back in the game: Dating after cancer
If your cancer treatment has changed your body, it may be better to tell a new partner if you feel that the relationship is becoming intimate or sexual. Waiting to tell until the moment of sexual intimacy may add a lot of tension to what could already be an intense or emotional situation. If cancer has affected your ability to have children, you may want to tell someone who may become a long-term partner, especially if they have told you that having children is important to them.
Some people may be supportive and understanding right away, while others may be shocked at first but not put off. Others may be uncomfortable with your news and may reject you because of it.
Having met my last boyfriend online, I decided to reactivate my online dating profile about two months into the process. Armed with a lot of free time and a damn good wig, I figured I had nothing to lose by putting myself out there. It was actually easier than I had anticipated. It was actually a great screening mechanism. I was pleasantly surprised at how many guys wanted to talk despite my cancer, or at least sent me good wishes for a quick recovery.
DATING AFTER CANCER Eight Things You Need to Consider
I ended up meeting some nice people, and while I also had a few truly awful dates, those were more about being a bad fit personally than the fact that I had cancer. Such is the world of online dating— the ups and downs of that experience were somehow reassuringly normal.
My dating profile says a lot about me: Many people prefer to discuss emotional topics in private, but if you are worried you will cry, or that your partner will get upset, sometimes a noisy public place, like a restaurant with well-separated tables feels safer. You may have an easier time staying in control when others are around. Avoid times when it would be jarring to talk about your cancer, for example in the middle of a sexual encounter or at a holiday party.
Scars, ostomies, or sexual problems are important to disclose before getting intimate with someone new. For example, start with caressing and making out before you get undressed. You can begin by caressing in the dark, or with just the light of a candle, working up to letting your partner see your body in daylight. Taking an erection pill or using a penile injection without telling a new partner adds the burden of a secret to your lovemaking.
Unless you are intending to have a hook-up or one-night stand, honesty is a good first step to great sexual communication with your partner. Suppose that you are very attracted to a new partner and the feeling seems to be mutual. Then you disclose your cancer and the relationship breaks up. You have already faced cancer treatment. Are you going to die because someone you liked was unwilling to take the risk of getting involved with you?
In fact, it is often liberating to imagine the worst thing that could happen and how you would react. What could you do to mend your hurt feelings? What would help you get back out in the dating scene to find someone more worthy of your feelings? This educational material is intended for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace, or substitute for, professional advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking treatment because of something you have read in this educational material. Did you enjoy this blog post?
Related dating after cancer
Copyright 2019 - All Right Reserved